Find Your Why: Unlocking Intrinsic Motivation from Within
We all know that initial burst of motivation when you set a new goal – you feel pumped, determined, and ready to crush it. But that excitement quickly fades when you realise the goal isn’t truly connected to your core values and purpose.
If you want real, sustainable change, you’ve got to do the inner work to understand what truly drives you at your core. Your health goals need to align with your deepest whys to give you the resilience to persist when obstacles arise.
I learned this the hard way. For years I relentlessly chased credentials, achievements and external validation thinking they would fulfil me. But no matter how much I accomplished, I felt empty because it wasn’t driven by my authentic purpose.
In this article, we’re going to unpack why a lack of internal motivation holds so many back from lasting change. We’ll discover how to find our deepest, most personal reasons for pursuing our goals, ignite motivation from within and approach health aims from a place of self-acceptance and compassion.
The key is not judgment but awareness. By getting curious about what motivates us, we can gain insight into the values, passions and needs informing our desires
My History of Chasing External Validation
For most of my life, I attached my self-worth and identity to external validation and achievement. As long as I was collecting accolades and praise, I thought I was crushing it.
On the outside, it probably looked like I had it all together – top grades, multiple degrees, recognition for my work. But deep down, I felt empty and missing my sense of deeper meaning and purpose.
No matter how many goals I checked off my list, the fulfilment was fleeting. I realised this style of relentlessly chasing validation through accomplishments was leaving me burned out and unfulfilled.
Have you ever felt similarly? Are you pursuing certain health goals because of outside expectations versus internal desire? Do you struggle to find lasting fulfilment from achieving them?
The Toll of Misaligned Motivations
Pursuing goals for external validation versus internal motivations also amplifies fears of failure. When your self-worth depends on approval and praise, not achieving a goal can feel incredibly damaging. You become preoccupied with what others will think if you fail or make mistakes.
This pressure is demotivating and draining. It sucks the joy out of the process. But when your motivations are intrinsically aligned, you have the freedom to focus just on the task and progression itself.
For example, if health is the motivation, then trying and making progress is fulfilling, even if you don’t attain society’s vision of the “perfect body.”
Research shows that interventions focused on intrinsic motivations are significantly more effective for promoting lasting behaviour change than extrinsic motivations.
Studies on weight loss and exercise programs have found intrinsic goals result in greater commitment, enjoyment, and long-term maintenance versus extrinsic goals.
So while extrinsic motivations can drive achievement short-term, they are ultimately hollow and leave people feeling unfulfilled. I certainly experienced this first-hand. I realised I needed to go deeper to uncover what truly inspired me and drove me from within.
Have you found this to be true in your own life? Do you get an initial rush when achieving something to impress others, only to later feel empty?
The Role of Unconscious Behaviours
I’ve noticed many people, including myself in the past, pursue health goals misaligned with their core values. This is often an unconscious behaviour – we can get caught in society’s messages telling us we need to look or achieve a certain way to be accepted.
When we don’t take time for self-inquiry, we risk seeking validation through our accomplishments or appearance without realising it. We all get pulled into this from time to time.
The problem is that when goals are misaligned with what fulfils us at a deeper level, the drive is fleeting. We may achieve temporary results but don’t experience lasting change.
The key is not judgment but awareness. By getting curious about what motivates us, we can gain insight into the values, passions and needs informing our desires.
From this place of self-understanding, we can set more authentic goals aligned with our unique definition of success. Our motivations come from within rather than others’ expectations.
This process requires patience and self-compassion. Progress isn’t linear. But when our health actions honour our inner wisdom, the process itself becomes rewarding beyond the results.
Take a moment to reflect – are you being unconsciously swayed by others’ validation versus your values?
Discovering My Intrinsic Motivations
In my case, I had to get radically honest with myself and put in consistent inner work to develop greater self-awareness around my values, strengths, purpose and vision.
This involved carving out time for journaling every morning, as well as speaking with mentors, coaches and trusted friends to better understand what made me feel truly inspired, driven and fulfilled at my core – beyond superficial metrics.
I aimed to align my motivations with my authentic values, not society’s definitions of success. This required patience, self-reflection and a willingness to ask myself tough questions.
But the inward work gave me a sense of meaning and purpose I had never experienced before. I gained tools to stay grounded when I would unconsciously seek outside validation again.
Now as a coach, I take my clients through similar processes to unearth their deepest, most heartfelt motivations around their health, fitness and lives. There are different strategies that I employ to do that but a simple one that anyone can apply right now is the Five Whys technique. This is a structured questioning approach originally developed for problem-solving, now adapted to reveal our deepest personal motivations.
By continually asking “Why is that important?” you unravel the layers to find your deepest core motivations.
Let’s use an example. Let’s say that a person who is overweight has a goal of losing weight:
First Why: Why do you want to lose weight?
“Because I want to look better”
-> Looking better is an extrinsic motivation based on external validation. To test this, we ask a follow-up question: If being overweight was seen as more attractive by society, would you still have the same desire to lose weight? Chances are for most of us the answer is no.
Second Why: Why is looking better important?
“Because if I looked better, I would feel confident to put on my swimsuit and go swimming classes with my daughter”
-> Again this relies on external validation. If society preferred being overweight, would it really affect your confidence to put on a swimsuit and go swimming?
Third Why: Why is being confident to put on my swimsuit and go to swim classes with my daughter important?
“Because I want to actively participate in my family’s life.”
-> Shifting from extrinsic to intrinsic motivation
Fourth Why: Why is actively participating in your family’s life important?
“Because I want to build lasting memories with my loved ones.”
-> Getting even closer to intrinsic motivation
Fifth Why: Why are those memories so important?
“Because I want to be fully present as my children grow older so they can count on me.”
-> Intrinsic motivation
The final why reveal your deeper truth. When you can anchor your goals to motivations related to growth, connection, meaning, etc. suddenly every small step forward gains renewed purpose. Your deepest whys give you intrinsic fuel to persist.
How could you adapt elements of this process to better understand your core motivations? Who could you enlist as mentors or coaches to provide guidance? Are there any daily practices that could strengthen self-awareness?
In Summary
If you want lasting change, connecting your goals to intrinsic motivations and authenticity is key. Seeking external validation only leads to emptiness.
Do the inner work to understand your deepest whys. When your health actions align with your core values, self-love and motivation flow naturally.
Be patient and compassionate with yourself in this process. Keep taking small steps. Your future is bright when you live true to yourself.
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